November is Women’s Abuse Prevention Month, but as we all know preventing abuse doesn’t end on November 30th, it is up to us all to support ending abuse to women everyday.

In my travels to different women’s shelters last month and my own experience I wanted to provide a little insight into the mystery of it, what happens and how we all can support ending violence.

Aren’t abused women all from low income and impoverished households? Violence to women doesn’t simply affect those who are impoverished - women from all walks of life, race, gender and backgrounds are affected by abuse and come through shelters seeking to break the cycle.

Why do women go back to their abusive partners? This is a multi-faceted question without one definitive answer, however let me provide some of the reasons that can affect this decision. Women who are in abusive relationships are often controlled physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.

1. Finances for example are a major stumbling block as suddenly women become the sole support for themselves and their children, with the housing and rental markets at an all time high and a shortage for affordable housing the barriers to being self-sufficient are high.

2. Fear and exhaustion - making the decision to leave is a monumental step, but it is only the first for women to break the cycle. Obtaining legal help and going through a battle within the court system where you must face your abusive partner is exhausting, expensive, and fraught with fear.

3. Shame and isolation - No woman ever goes into a relationship with the goal of being abused. It can often happen gradually, and the realization of this abuse can feel like somehow its their fault, self esteem and worth erodes and shame sets in. External relationships with family and friends dwindle and even stop which leads to isolation. When leaving an abusive situation having a strong support system is an important piece in moving forward and breaking the past cycles and narratives of shame.

So how do we support the prevention of violence? How can we be a partner in positive change? Here are a few ideas to start you off:

• Pay attention to the signs and signals in your friends and family and offer support, an ear and a non-judgmental presence. If someone you know is going through a break in an abusive relationship, providing an encouraging outlet and practical support can be a lifeline.

• Advocate for affordable housing, especially for those who are victims of abuse. Write your MP/Government official.

• Partner with a women’s shelter in your area - this could mean monetary support, practical items needed to help a woman (and her children) rebuild a new life, volunteering or becoming an advocate.

• Consider talking to a woman who has come out of an abusive situation to understand their journey, perspective and needs - a stance of understanding can be crucial and grows our awareness and empathy.

We need to empower women to know that abuse of any kind is unacceptable, that they are loved, cherished and deserving of respectful relationships. For those of you who have endured and triumphed over abuse - we raise our shouts of victory with you. For those still in the midst of the challenge - know there is hope, support and a life after abuse. For those who tirelessly advocate and support - stay strong we need you more than ever right now as the world changes and we finally take a firm stand against injustice.

May Love, Peace and Hope prevail.

Until next blog,

Cheryl